The Bottom 13 Movies of 2013

   So yeah.... 2013. A lot of good movies and a looooooooooooot of bad movies. I want to apologize on behalf of the lesser population of the United Stated for still supporting shitty movies.

13. Gangster Squad : Damn.. the first movie of the year shamefully pushed to that spot because of some post edits and re shoots that took this film, that could have been something special, and made it just dull and disjointed.

12. A Good Day to Die Hard : This movie was really bad, it turned Bruce Willis and his enjoyable if a little formulaic action shtick and made it boring and generic even by the standards of these types of movies. It's such a shame that the previous entry in the series is easily one of the best, and this is such a painful stain. I hope the people who ruined it die hard. Oh jeez that was harsh. My bad. Oddly enough this is many critic's worst movie of the year and I find that pretty weird... i mean did anyone see ANY OF THESE MOVIES.

11. Man of Steel :..................................... I'm not going there right now.

10. Dead Man Down : One of the general themes of this year's list of bad movies is boredom. Let me tell you this movie was one of the most original version of
a dull, slogging, bad Bourne ripoff espionage action thrill-less thriller. Pissing away its decent cast and even more decent set pieces.

9. Planes : I can't remember the last time a Pixar animated feature felt so cheap and lifeless and looked so ugly. Except from maybe Cars... and Cars 2.

8. The Canyons : HEY GUYS Lindsey Lohan involved in hard drugs and the porn industry. If she were any more gross looking I literally wouldn't have been able to stomach
the awkward nude scenes.

7. Getaway : Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh they f*cked this up.

6. R.I.P.D. : To quote a great man "All children grow up".
This movie is ass.

5. Grown Ups 2 : When you open a bad movie the SAME weekend as a great movie I must say with full honesty that I hate your guts Sir.

4. The Lone Ranger : I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The main trilogy anyways, that fourth one really got away from them. I don't know how they got this licence or even how this movie came about but it's so bizarre, and dull, and agonizingly arrogant of its source materiel i would much rather see another Pirates.

3. After Earth : It's shame when movies like this get made, because I love both the cast and the concept so much that it kinda hurts. Let me drop a bomb and say that looking at this objectively Jaden Smith's Karate Kid remake is very very good and better than the original in a lot of ways, and I do not need to list the credentials of his father here. It just upsets me when piss poor excuses for movies get shat out like this for no apparent reason other than Will Smith wanted to be on screen with his son. Admirable intent, abysmal outcome.

2. Scary Movie V : Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh these movies are never great but there's no reason for them to be this bad. In the internet age we currently live in parody movies like this need to be made quickly and edited well to keep all the jokes relevant and this stinker sat in the production back lot's closet for faaaaaaaaaaaaar too long just getting sweaty and sticky and meh. It would be the worst movie of the year if it weren't for....

1. Now You See Me : Objectively Scary Movie V is worse than this movie. This movie is well filmed, has good effects, and a great cast. BUT if the trailers for this movie had been half as honest as any other movie's trailer this year this movie might not even be on this list. This movie took such an original idea, a cool original idea at that, and blows it right down the shit pipe. I do not understand how you could possibly get that much money, hire such great actors, film in such cool locations and get such a decent idea and PISS IT SO FAR AWAY FROM GOOD. I WOULD LOVE TO NEVER SEE A MODERN MAGICIAN MOVIE AGAIN. That is legitimate hate...