Let me get this train crashing as fast as possible; Snow White ampersand the Huntsman sucks. It's dull, disjointed, full of cheesy terrible writing, and even worse cheesy terrible acting. And who do I blame?
I blame Kristen Stewart . Yeah f*ck you Kristen Stewart. The internet loves to rag on her right? She's terrible in this movie, showing no facial expressions and giving a lower grade performance than usual. Shame on you Kristen. Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth both tried thier damnedest to salvage this, where were you?
Hmmmm who else?
Well I guess the main problems with this movie stem from it trying to do too many little cool things, and failing at joining them into a big movie. It opens with a LONGGGGGG 40 minute flashback sequence explaining the plot, a plot I'd like to remind you most people this movie is targeted at know by heart. Then when the actual movie we came in for starts it's a cheesy mess. Every scene drags because the acting and writing are so terrible and generic. Even good actors like Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth look utterly lost in a movie that seems to be pinned on them, even though they aren't at the center of anything. Hell, between the two of them they're barely in half the movie, and neither of them have a scene with Kristen Stewart in the first hour of the movie. F*ck me, Charlize Theron doesn't have a scene with Kristen Stewart until the last 20 minutes.
What really blows my mind about this is how many good ideas seem to have been thrown at it. For instance while there's some good, but obviously, marketed casting throughout the movie that your probably already sick of. But I bet you didn't know the seven dwarfs show up half way through and are cast spectacularly. But between the seven of them they have about 25 minutes of screen, and about the same number of lines. Crazier still the visuals are mostly bland, and then halfway through there are some seriously beautiful fairy tell cameos that actually made my jaw drop. For a brief moment it was like being transported a much better movie. Of course it lasts about three minutes and is never explained at all, further confusing me.
Some part of me just wants to write it off and assume every scene of this movie was filmed in a separate year by several different groups of people speaking different languages. But since I know that's not true, because that's impractical, I'm just gonna have to chock this up to a bad directing job. He probably showed up late everyday. Completely hungover. Never read the script. Made it up as they went along. The transitions between sets make no sense, characters and ideas, some of which are cool, keep getting lost and thrown around because of the poorly written and acted story they're all centered on, and above all it's like no one watched it before pushing it to theaters.
Just skip it. Kristen Stewart isn't getting any better, and Chris Hemsworth should forget he's in this movie because you will five minutes after you see it. Ya know the character he plays is an alcoholic. That really makes sense to me now...
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