Devil's Due (2014)

 

This picture is so dumb...

   I didn't have high expectations for Devil's Due going in. I mean I don't go into ANY movie with high expectations anymore but as a courtesy to the movie I avoided trailers and reviews, going in as blind as possible. Now if you scroll down a bit you can see my review for Paranormal Activity the
Marked Ones, where I praise it for what it brings to the Paranormal Activity - a - verse. I don't give scores anymore because I feel you cannot boil down a complex opinion into an arbitrary number or letter, BUT if I did I would retroactively bump up Marked One's score just on the merit that I wish I had been watching it for a second time over seeing Devil's Due at all.

Clocking in at 89 minutes Devil's Due, not to be confused with that cool Star Trek episode, follows the story of a young PAINFULLY white couple Samantha and Zach McCall  starting with their marriage, moving to their honeymoon where thanks to the convenient found footage style of the film we see the foreshadowing of some sort of strange, powerful, and evil ritual that seems to have wound up causing a miraculous pregnancy that neither of them can explain. That premise alone surfaces three problems with the film :

1. The characters are smug and moronic, the guy shows no regard for personal safety or good decision making which is what leads to them getting semi-kidnapped and
immaculately impregnated in the first place. Throughout the film no one acts rationally or tries to fix things despite MOUNTAINS UPON MOUNTAINS of evidence that show
how badly things are going.

2. The found footage style is inconsistent, throwing out the idea that this is all one person's account by having security cameras, spy cameras, and OTHER PEOPLE's camera's footage all mashed together and edited like an actual movie. They briefly touch on the fact that the the story is being cobbled together by the husband as he recounts it to the police but trust me when I say I went over it a dozen times in my head and there's no way the cops would have all the footage the audience sees.

3. The movie shoots itself in both feet before the starting whistle, mainly by being called Devil's Due so we know exactly what's going on the whole time voiding
any scenes of the husband trying to figure out the truth adding to the boredom, and secondly BY BEING CALLED DEVIL'S DUE!

   This movie is brain dead and boring, the acting isn't good, the effects are minimal but still manage to look cheap, there's nothing scary because all the jump scares were shown off in the trailer and any semblance of mystery in the plot is thrown out by showing us a part of the satanic ritual used to impregnate the wife instead of  maybe just NOT doing that so that maybe it could be the spawn of our main character who's so unlikable and obnoxious that might actually be worse than an anti-Christ BUT SINCE THE MOVIE IS ONLY 89 GODDAMN MINUTES THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY CUT IT SHORTER! I have seen better fan trailers for stupid concepts of fake ideas than this movie. You may have noticed I mentioned that the movie is boring but let delve deeper into this mess ; Some of the greatest horror movies I've ever seen are 90 minutes or shorter specifically my favorite The Strangers starring Liv Tyler is only 86 minutes and yet that movie is done so perfectly, and slowly in that time you feel as the hours pass in time frame of the events
that are unfolding. Devil's Due has a time stamp in the bottom half the time and It didn't occur to me until writing this that the movie takes place over 9 months because the two leads to absolutely nothing ; in order they go to a doctor, then a lamas class , they go to a baby store, they go to a creek, they go back to the doctor, then a church, then a hospital, the woods,and another house a few blocks away. That is literally all that this couple did over 9 months that was worth filming.

I genuinely hate these two.

   Even worse, if those scenes average 4 - 9 minutes in length that means that the majority of the movie takes place outside of their house and it still feels like every single scene is just them fighting or weird shit happening in their ugly old house. I shit you not there is a scene, it lasts less than two minutes, that is just the couple spewing exposition while they hold playing cards. Sure the wife puts one down at some point but this is it!! This is whats wrong with the movie!!! They cannot think up a single way to make anything look interesting
or feel natural. Even towards the end (***SPOILER ALERT***) when the husban is skulking around some creepy cult house the layout of where things are placed and who is inside while he is are 100% nonsense.
It infuriates me that movies like this still get made, I mean clearly they knew it sucked because hey it's January but Marked Ones is leagues better and anyone who says different is a fucking lair.
Hell Banshee Chapter a movie that came out digitally early in December is coming to some theaters next week and that's a loads better.  

   I'm still not going to outright damn the idea of found footage movies, I mean there are a few more coming out this year including Paranormal Activity 5 (no I'm serious it's shooting for an October release)
but this movie being done all guerrilla cam style only worsens the cheap, not to mention boring, feeling that this movie was either made by someone way out of his depth or by a committee of people who didn't
care about it and both possibilities are sad. I wonder what the director's made before this. I guess we'll never know..

   PSYCH I have the internet. This movie was directed by the same pairing of guys who directed the first V/H/S , and written by a women with no other credit's to her name.

Well jeez that sure does make a lot of sense. Please never make another movie again. PLEASE.

The Bottom 13 Movies of 2013

   So yeah.... 2013. A lot of good movies and a looooooooooooot of bad movies. I want to apologize on behalf of the lesser population of the United Stated for still supporting shitty movies.

13. Gangster Squad : Damn.. the first movie of the year shamefully pushed to that spot because of some post edits and re shoots that took this film, that could have been something special, and made it just dull and disjointed.

12. A Good Day to Die Hard : This movie was really bad, it turned Bruce Willis and his enjoyable if a little formulaic action shtick and made it boring and generic even by the standards of these types of movies. It's such a shame that the previous entry in the series is easily one of the best, and this is such a painful stain. I hope the people who ruined it die hard. Oh jeez that was harsh. My bad. Oddly enough this is many critic's worst movie of the year and I find that pretty weird... i mean did anyone see ANY OF THESE MOVIES.

11. Man of Steel :..................................... I'm not going there right now.

10. Dead Man Down : One of the general themes of this year's list of bad movies is boredom. Let me tell you this movie was one of the most original version of
a dull, slogging, bad Bourne ripoff espionage action thrill-less thriller. Pissing away its decent cast and even more decent set pieces.

9. Planes : I can't remember the last time a Pixar animated feature felt so cheap and lifeless and looked so ugly. Except from maybe Cars... and Cars 2.

8. The Canyons : HEY GUYS Lindsey Lohan involved in hard drugs and the porn industry. If she were any more gross looking I literally wouldn't have been able to stomach
the awkward nude scenes.

7. Getaway : Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh they f*cked this up.

6. R.I.P.D. : To quote a great man "All children grow up".
This movie is ass.

5. Grown Ups 2 : When you open a bad movie the SAME weekend as a great movie I must say with full honesty that I hate your guts Sir.

4. The Lone Ranger : I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The main trilogy anyways, that fourth one really got away from them. I don't know how they got this licence or even how this movie came about but it's so bizarre, and dull, and agonizingly arrogant of its source materiel i would much rather see another Pirates.

3. After Earth : It's shame when movies like this get made, because I love both the cast and the concept so much that it kinda hurts. Let me drop a bomb and say that looking at this objectively Jaden Smith's Karate Kid remake is very very good and better than the original in a lot of ways, and I do not need to list the credentials of his father here. It just upsets me when piss poor excuses for movies get shat out like this for no apparent reason other than Will Smith wanted to be on screen with his son. Admirable intent, abysmal outcome.

2. Scary Movie V : Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh these movies are never great but there's no reason for them to be this bad. In the internet age we currently live in parody movies like this need to be made quickly and edited well to keep all the jokes relevant and this stinker sat in the production back lot's closet for faaaaaaaaaaaaar too long just getting sweaty and sticky and meh. It would be the worst movie of the year if it weren't for....

1. Now You See Me : Objectively Scary Movie V is worse than this movie. This movie is well filmed, has good effects, and a great cast. BUT if the trailers for this movie had been half as honest as any other movie's trailer this year this movie might not even be on this list. This movie took such an original idea, a cool original idea at that, and blows it right down the shit pipe. I do not understand how you could possibly get that much money, hire such great actors, film in such cool locations and get such a decent idea and PISS IT SO FAR AWAY FROM GOOD. I WOULD LOVE TO NEVER SEE A MODERN MAGICIAN MOVIE AGAIN. That is legitimate hate...

The Top 13 Movies of 2013

...fortunately 2013 was not a terrible year for movies, despite having a few dozen stinkers. Sure this last year only had two super hero movies, BUT 2014 is going to be a great year for all us nerds and nerdettes. It's also a shame that I can only pick 13 movies (Because of my ridiculous constraints only put on by myself) but trust me there was a tonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn of good stuff. Honorable mentions go to Captain Phillips, Before Midnight, Elysium, Kick ass 2 , and the Conjuring. In that order. SO I guess this could be top 18. Maybe you'll get that list in 2018. If you're lucky.

13. Prisoners : This is a movie that despite seeming to be very simple took many audiences by the collar and shook them till they couldn't cry no more. One of the truly dark and gritty movies not just of the year, but of our entire generation I wish this movie would pick up as much traction in the public eye as it deserves. A stunning cast, wrapped in a stunning screenplay, with a stunning story nothing short of a genre defining thriller.

12. About Time : Say what you will about crying, and being a man, and romantic dramatic movies, and say what you will about the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, but while watching this movie I loved, and laughed, and cried all at once. Ignorant to other time travel movies and Ideas, About Time has you absolutely fall in love with its characters stating early on "If I'm going to make my life how I want it, it's going to be about love". The story truly follows suit. It isn't cliched or boring, it's fun and... very happy. There aren't a lot of purely romantic movies that come a long this sweet or happy anymore and it was simply a breathe of fresh air into a genre I had condemned. That was also kind of a pun because of the tornado warning .

This is the End... HAHAHAHAH no that was simply atrocious.

11. At the World's End : See now this a comedy, and another British made movie. This movie is not only proof that the mighty trio of Frost Pegg Wright can produce something that is serious, well acted, well written, engaging and sad WHILE STILL MAKING A GOOD COMEDY. This practice appears to just fly over head with many comedy writers and directors these days who don't see the value in balanced film making. You really feel for the characters, and while i'm too young to totally relate to them I certainly feel that in the future looking back to this movie I'll find its message all too true and that's both scary and inspiring in a movie that shows such depth and growth within itself. A must say that the reason it isn't higher on the list is because there were better "comedies" this year.

10. The Hobbit : The Desolation of Smaug : EXCITEMENT BANG BOOM DWARVES LAKES NO PLACE FOR A HOBBIT PRECIOUS MAGIC GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. So I somehow had time to see this movie three times (It's really long) but as far as I'm concerned that should be all I need to say. It's a three hour long movie that's exciting, action packed, gorgeously well made, and just plain fun enough to warrant at least 3 viewings. Admittedly I'm not as big a fan of the first Hobbit because it's tone is a little more scattered, and there are some fairly long dull stretches of awkward humor,and while the Desolation still has that, it feels a lot more fleshed out in comparison. As opposed to a dull "We're half way there" kind of ending it ends on a grimmer, the tides are turning sort of feel. I certainly enjoyed it, and I most certainly can't wait for part 3.

9. Don Jon : When I first heard that Joseph Gordon Levitt was doing so much outside of acting I immediately felt way less accomplished. When I heard he was coming out with a show about user created content from hitRecord, I was uncertain that his lack of experience in content creation and control would make a great show. While we still have yet to see how it turned out I can now put any inkling of his creative incompetence to bed. Don Jon is one of most original and interestingly crafted movies I've ever seen. A lot of the people I've talked to about it mentioned it being kind of an uncomfortable watch with their friends, but I feel that enhances the experience. The films honesty about its subject is clear from the beginning and while that may turn some people off we don't need those people involved. Losers. The originality, and the acting certainly make up for the somewhat strange awkward subject matter. Not really a family time movie, but certainly one of the most memorable movies of 2013.

8. You're Next : PSSSSSSHA I'm not letting anyone forget about his masterpiece! This year was fairly flat for the true horror genre, I mean the Conjuring was really well made and all that but in my mind nothing holds a candle to the experience that was You're Next. Was it traditional? No. But was it fun? Hell yes. I don't really think the two movies are in the same league and that's why I personally will remember this over other scaryish movies this year. It was as fun for me as Cabin in the Woods was just a short time ago. I truly loved it and I wish for more like it.

7. Frozen : Being that I only saw EVERY animated movie put in to theaters this year I can definitively say that Despicable Me 2 was great, and Frozen was AMAZING. It's been a while since Disney went forwards with such an old school princess movie. Brave and Princess and the Frog did their best to change the formula up and while those aren't terrible they really don't have the same joyous feel as Frozen. It's a very yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! movie. Honestly it's such a pleasing movie to see, the animation is stunning the writing is witty and original, the characters are all lovable and memorable, and while I personally think it could use a few more songs, the music is pretty incredible.

6. 12 Years a Slave : If Prisoners is a genre defining thriller (which it is) then 12 Years a Slave is a genre defining... slave drama with British actors acting american. A whole new genre! No movie has ever painted a more grim image of what it was like to be a slave back in the day, and I doubt any movie will come so close to making me physically uncomfortable to watch with black people with just how raw the whole experience is. And to top it off it doesn't just cast white looking white people or even racist looking white people (Like some parts of Django) it casts honest to goodness actors that make the whole film even more core shakingly ball-bustingly difficult to watch.

5. Gravity : Personal story time. I'm terrified of heights. And flying. And the idea of going to space. Sooooo honestly I didn't want to go see this movie. After reading many many MANY positive reviews I caved and boy I was glad I did. This movie is an endless rush of intensity, and being that it's entirely carried by Sandra Bullock. Admittedly she is one of my least favorite actresses working today, she has a fairly high slot in my worst movies of the year list as well if you need proof! So when I was done with Gravity I suppose I liked her a little bit more, but she would still be my biggest complaint of an otherwise flawless film.

4. Kings of Summer : Top 4 are where I expect to throw people off, mainly because I didn't know that a lot of people actually didn't see this movie. At the time of writing you can still go rent this movie at a red box despite it coming out sometime in the middle of the year. To preface , a group of three young boys move out of their respective homes, build a house in the woods, and declare themselves men while their families worry on a journey to find them. It's a funny well acted film, with some clever writing and simple gritty camera work that at times totally throws you around the bend. For the lead young actors being mostly unknowns its surprising how well they carry such a realistic teenage boy adventure movie, that occasionally blurs the line with weird little internal fantasy off shoots. It's one of the better "boy" movies, taking the being your own man and living in the wild to a fun extreme we've never seen on film.

3. Pacific Rim : DUH DUH DUUH DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUH nuff said. Wait I can say one more thing "TODAY, WE ARE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE". Go see it.

2. Evil Dead : I am a huge fan of the original Evil Dead. Having seen them at a fairly young age my expectation of goofier horror movies is always a lot higher, hence why I enjoyed the more parodying nature of You're Next over the raw quality and chills of the Conjuring. And while both those movies are great there was no other movie in 2013 that fed my desire for an over the top gore fest like the Evil Dead remake sequel thingy. I know it's not for everyone but I think at the time of writing it's been my most re watched movie of the year. It's a roller coaster that throws a bucket of sh*t in your face every 9 seconds, and goes so far as to match, if not top, the sexual themes and symbols of the original. I can't imagine a better way to have made another entry into this series, and maybe soon we'll get even more.

1. American Hustle : So a lot of lists I've seen so far have things in common with this one. Mostly having Her near the top despite it opening wide on Jan. 10th, having Wolf on Wall Street despite the fact that Leo won't get the Oscar for best actor AGAIN, and Gravity. There are some critics out there that would have you believe that Wolf on Wallstreet's cast and three hour running time give it an edge over American Hustle and they would be wrong. While both period pieces understand their times no one can put a finger on the style that this movie bleeds. Every second of dialogue, every outfit, every location, every single frame of the film wants you to know it's the 70's and what that truly was like for the average american, and all you do is wish you were there. Top it off with a cast that all deserve to split the best actor trophy I can't count how many ways, a soundtrack of absolute must have vinyls, and one of the best "How else would this have all gone down" twists I've ever seen in a con/heist movie. The signature style of Sir Bad ass O. Russel is more than welcome in my movies any time.

   And that was 2013. Like I said there were a lot of good movies, and good 30 or 40 will still be relevant a few years down the line. Anything really good that I didn't even mention I probably didn't get the opportunity to see (Fruitvale Station for example). Hears to a new year, and some new movies. Let's hope its just as good. What review am I gonna put up next? The very first movie that comes out in Jan..... Paranormal Activity The Marked Ones!
...
SH*T!








Here we go again.

Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones (2014)

   

   Looking back on the series as a whole (I mean this is the fifth movie we're entering Nightmare on Elm Street Territory here) I can't say that any individual movie in the Paranormal Activity series is objectively good. In fact 3 is the only one I ever really liked as a standalone piece because of the way they used the setting (The 1970's) to change up the way their limited information and technology had them perceive the hauntings. That said as a unified story I'm somewhat charmed by what it all brings to the table; though the back story is only revealed in bits in each movie up until now here's what we know :

   A cult of witches working in collusion with an entity, or several entities  marks women to be possessed or controlled or some nonsense by demons or something or some .... Yeah I guess I can't really explain it. It's complicated watch the movies yo! Let's move on to the newest one , Paranormal Activity the Marked Ones! Set sometime after the other four movies Marked Ones focuses on young Hispanic teens living in Oxnard, CA the summer after they graduate high school. After getting some apparently hard to hold cameras they decide to spy on the strange women living below them and see some strange activity. Possibly paranormal. After a few more mysterious happenings she is found murdered and our main characters go routing around in her apartment, a few jump scares later it appears or main character Jesse is being followed around and protected by some unseen force. He can't get hurt, he floats mid air when he falls ect. ect.

   I suppose If I had to give this movie credit it doesn't put a jump scare in every other scene, there's a few early one and some more at the end but the main stretch of the movie has the tone of films like Chronicle as Jesse rolls around da hood trying to figure out whats happening to him as his cool new abilities start manifesting as a darkness inside him. To give a list of simple pluses the cast is really great, the two main lead guys have really good chemistry doing a better job of making you care about them as things start to go sour, the shaky cam b*llsh*t has been worse and isn't used to nauseating effects, they have a cute new version of the Ouija board gag that's kinda fun while it lasts, and it has an actually shocking and climactic ending. Thus far this is probably the best movie in the series and the one that explains the most about what's really going on. Being a January release they obviously don't expect this to make much money which kinda disappoints me, it's certainly not the worst found footage I've ever seen. it's also not the worst horror movie either.

   That said the Marked Ones falls into a category of movies I like to call "Adorable 6's" Where it doesn't do anything to really rise above a 6 out of 10, but is still enjoyable to watch. I mean I did see this in a theater full of enthusiastic urban youth and it's hard not to have a fun time at the movies when people around you are reacting and making noise but I found myself scoffing at a lot of the cheaper looking camera tricks, some of the dumber side stuff, and the weak jump scares which in my opinion are a necessary evil of the horror genre, but still very ,much an evil. The biggest point against this movie is the name , Paranormal Activity; it's become kind of a scourge of a series that a lot of people wretch at despite there only being one abominable entry in it (The second one), and while I do find the back story to be interesting I find myself watching these movie get churned out and just thinking "They'll end any day now, and maybe we'll finally get to figure out what the f*ck is going on."

   Still I wouldn't feel honest if I didn't recommend this movie. Granted this month will have a lot of 2013's biggest hits of December finally opening wide so everyone can go see them (Movies like Her) so you're more than justified in going to see one of those instead, but speaking exclusively from the January line up you have terrible Hercules movie, a terrible looking paranormal activity rip off, some bad comedies, some trashy animated pieces, that one cheap looking Tom Clancy movie that got rushed out because of his death and That Awkward Moment... which actually looks pretty awesome! But that's not until the 31st. So for the time being Paranormal Activity the Marked Ones is a "go-and-see-cuase-it's-fun" in my book. 

Her (2013 , spilling over into 2014)

Her is a great movie.

   I guess it's getting most of its top ten Oscar winning appeal for being different and great at the same time. That's not a bad thing but I suppose at its core being just a good different movie does not make it the best movie I've ever seen. I'm sure it'll  be in my top movies of 2013 but I can't in good conscious give it a number one spot like SOMEEEEE people. Let me try to explain my heinous crime of a less than "OMG THIS MOVIE SO PURRFECT" opinion :

   Her centers around Theodore, played by Joaquin Phoenix , who in a distant future works as a love letter writer in a cubicle style office and is going through a messy divorce that's causing him to curl inward away from his friends. While going from his home to work see's an ad for an artificially intelligent operating system which he picks up and after a few questions seems totally enamored with, her name is Samantha (voiced by Scarlet Johansson). That's pretty much al you need to know , its a somewhat conventional love story told from the perspective of a guy falling in love with his computer. Inter spliced with dealing with his ex-wife and other women looking for exactly what he is, as he falls deeper and deeper in love with Samantha who slowly learns and yearns to be more and more real.

   I can imagine making this movie would have been a challenge, Johansson's voice mixed with Phoenix's awkward loner stammering could have very easily made the whole plot come across as extremely creepy but it never does, and that's probably its greatest triumph. In fact there were points when Samantha comes across as the creepy overly attached type tumbling through her first love and you feel like Phoenix's one big part in this movie is not understanding what he wants on any level, and consistently crushing his own happiness. Its truly worrying how well he plays this manic depressive shut in, and even his OS that's desperately trying to connect with and care for him can't break him out of his shell. It's like he worries so much about all the same things we worry about in relationships but puts moral constraints on himself while the society around him doesn't seem to care. Maybe that's whats the most disconcerting, not knowing how he feels is one thing but constantly worrying about how hes supposed to be is tearing him apart.

   Objectively there's nothing wrong with this movie, its paced well, its filmed well, the whole cast brings there's A game, and I never really lost interest in the movie. It's silent moments are as powerful as its loud ones and every little aspect has just enough meaning to be enjoyed in different ways by different people. While I can certainly see the value in it I never fell in love with the characters, and while I'm not sure I was supposed to I felt very detached in the whole story. Nothing ever seemed to be changing and the characters don't grow a lot but compared to the world around them they seem very bold and daring. Its powerful moments are pulled back by the fact that they are the most unoriginal, the long break up speeches and the fighting the standard relationship ups and downs feel a little formulaic, its doesn't take a way to the movie but I'm never overtaken by the emotions in the scene.

   My most loved times in this movies are when it slows down and tries to show up what it would be like to date a person without a body and going out with other couples AI Based or otherwise. It's really a movie about the conventional idea of relationships and while I can't imagine anyone disliking this movie I will never call it the best moofie eva yo it remains a solidly great movie that will remain in the top 5 percent of all movies for all of time. Not unlike About Time its a very interesting spin on the classic romance of boy meets girl and I really adored it. I don't want to say anything about the closing arc of the film besides the fact that its the most powerful moment of the film so don't lose hope, in a lot of ways it really does shine darkly so to speak, and I highly recommend it.

2012, The Bad

  Ya know when I think about it a lot of good movies came out in 2012. More than I talked about, and certainly less than you saw. We've had amazing films and god awful -I mean seriously putrid disasters- barely movies. 

   So what were the worst movies? Well the Apparition and the Apparition... and definitely Green Lantern. No. I won't be getting over that anytime soon. Sue me. 

 Worst Movies of 2012 (It's a mostly bad horror movies kinda year)

The Apparition

Hahahahaha why were you so bad....

House at the End of the Street

I'm not nearly as curious about this one... just another case of Jennifer Lawrence being miscast and the director forgetting to hire actual writers. 

The Possession 

What the literal FUCK is wrong with your face, movie?

The Devil Inside 

Man, horror movies this year were really fucking pointless and stupid. 

The funniest part is this movie was so bad I didn't recognize any of the other pictures that came up in the Google search. So i went with what I think is the poster but who cares anyways...

The Raven

Honestly I don't remember a single scene from this movie  ...

This Means War

Not to be that guy, but don;t you mean...

Alex Cross

Who thought this would work exactly? 

Odd Life of Timothy Green

More like the Odd Life of Stupid Garbage

Snow White and the Huntsman

Don't worry, I didn't forget about this one. But how I wish I did...

Three Stooges

IT'S ALL BULLSHIT!

   If you don't agree feel free to be ignored. By me. Happy New Year! 

Wreck - It - Ralph (2012)

   Wreck - it - Ralph is the perfect example to me of why great cute kiddie movies can be enjoyed by anyone and bad cute kiddie movies can only be enjoyed by children. Don't get me wrong this movie definitely falls into the former it's got a great cast and a beautiful art direction with fun and exciting visuals and like all Disney films it has memorable colorful characters ya just wanna hold onto forever. It's just plain to see that this movie works as a kids movies because it ignores a lot of mind blowing out of the box ideas in favor of a simple cute little story divided up among a few well written characters with video game jokes and candy puns galore. 

   I'll get this out of the way now, the movies biggest problem is complexity, because it has to be accessible to a younger audience they have to cut out of the cute interesting story to explain and re-explain all the rules of the world around them. Details and conflicts that are important to the story but the movie doesn't seem to have the balls to work in subtly because the kids need to be able to follow too. To put it simply the world is that of classic arcade games, the movie takes place in an old arcade and though we briefly see people outside the games the story focuses on the characters within an old school 8 - bit platformer, a cutsie candy coated racing game, and a swarm infested sci-fi first person shooter. Wreck - it - Ralph, the antagonist of a game called Fix - it - Felix, is sick of being the "bad guy"and getting no recognition for the hard work he puts in every day and the hard life he lives being shown no respect. He starts game jumping throughout the arcade and eventually befriends a little girl named Vanellope who is desperately trying to be a part of a racing games that looks like Candy Land. 

   I won't spoil the rest but for what it's worth this is a good movie. Despite its problems it has loveable characters, a good story, and a lot of funny nerdy video game jokes from all manner of retro games. Nerds like myself will get a kick out of a lot of what they sprinkle in throughout this movie. What makes it great is what makes all these Disney and Pixar movies great (I mean the good ones... I mean not Cars or the Rat one) characters you immediately connect with. Characters you want to see succeed because you can identify with their struggles. 

   This isn't exactly the masterpiece Toy Story for video games I was hoping for but for my money it was a great animated movie. Everyone should see it at one point or another. 

Daniel Craig's James Bond

   I'll be the first to admit that even though I watch and enjoy a lot of movies, I'm not that into James Bond. I like some of the really old ones, but the franchise overall never really hit it for me. When I saw Casino Royale as a young lad all those years ago I remember asking myself why more James Bond movies weren't like this. And when I saw Quantum of Solace a few years later I remembered. Now that I've seen Skyfall, and they've wrapped up a good trilogy of Daniel Craig I think I understand the point. 

   Let's go back a ways shall we? James Bond , code name 007, is a fictional character created in 1953 by writer Ian Felming, who featured him in twelve novels and two short story collections. He's a British secret service agent who drives hot cars, fraternizes with any and all hot women, and shoots many manner of cheesy villain with a number of crazy guns and gadgets. The original novels have to date been adapted to death and over the last fifty years film after film starring the suave James Bond have hit the screen and always hit high numbers in the box office. 

  The series has had it's highs and lows, it's amazing works of art and its shoddy piles of shit, but the films always keep to form and always try their damnedest. At some point in the early 2000's someone decided to change it up a bit. 2006's Casino Royale put a lower ranking (Now mega star) Daniel Craig in the role of James Bond. While keeping to a lot of the classic James Bond traditions it certainly feels more serious and more real than any of the films that came before it. By making the villain seem cartoonishly evil, but then wrap him in a very realistic conflict with lots of deep espionage that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of by the end of the film. That said its still a great movie, Craig proved to be the perfect modern day James Bond and they squeezed out a damn good espionage thriller out of what should have been a generic action movie. It also introduced to great casting choices, Craig as Bond and Judi Dench as M, the head of MI6 the British Secret Service. Dench is always a good choice but as her part in these movies gradually got bigger, to the point of her being a main character in Skyfall it was obvious someone was thinking ahead. She's strong in every one of her many scenes and brings the trilogy to a whole other level of quality.

   Despite being different Casino Royale was a success and Craig was signed on for a sequel entitled; Quantum of Solace. Which critics across the board deemed far less than satisfactory. In an effort to keep the story of the previous film going it picks up right where Casino Royale left off and gets immediately kinda confusing and strange. Not really making the antagonist or the conflict clear, it tries to deal more with Bond growing and changing as a character based on the events of the first movie. 

   Except it can't really do that because James Bond is pretty much a stock character and the way Craig plays him he's already a lot more badass than any of the Bond's before him. So his growth is all played out vicariously through a side character, a girl out for revenge of the man  that killed her family. While this sounds good on paper it forces us to accept some things that don't seem within Bond's character. For one we're supposed to believe he genuinely loved the girl who died at the end of Casino Royale. Which while the movie tried to make it seem that way, that isn't something James Bond would do. He's a suave womanizer but he's far too cold and distant for true love. 

   It also means that we're supposed to pay more attention to a supporting character's feelings then the protagonists  But we can;t do that either because while the film tries to keep up its main story it can't always contrive reasons for the girl to be around except  in the beginning and the end. We don;t get to see her change, and nothing ever confirms that she does. So we're left with Bond trying to play off this girl, he's supposed to relate to her struggle so that they can over come vengeance together. It all kinda falls flat because we don't get enough of the girl and it doesn't suit Bond on his own. 

   By the time the end rolls around the movie has plainly tell us "He was the bad guy, and this was the bad thing he was doing". No one really cares movie. Sorry. While I don't hate this movie, it really isn't very good. It begs the question, where were they going with this?

   Looking back on all that I'm surprised this wasn't more obvious. Skyfall turns out to be both the least and most James Bond - esque movie of the Daniel Craig trilogy. What really boggled my mind was that it could be so action packed, and have a great deep villain with an interesting story, and segway out of this series perfectly without feeling the need to compensate for the weird shit that happened in the previous two stories. I'm pretty sure they planned a lot more of this out from the start than anyone predicted and as far as I'm concerned these three films make the entire series of movies feel a lot more complete. 

  Basically during a rough mission Bond gets taken out of the job for a while and most people presume he's dead. As it turns out he's just trying to move on from everything that happened to him. But when a villain from his supervisor M's past come out swinging at MI6 agents through cyber terrorism Bond will have to come back to finish the job.

   And that he does with gun fights and car chases and international travel and its all very sloppy because he's so out of practice from those years of being dead. This movie doesn't have nearly as much espionage as the other two and it absolutely has its heart set on one thing, seeing James Bond stare his limits in the face. He's not fit, he can barely fire a gun, and he spends all his time in a stressed panic because he can't keep up with the villain played by Javier Bardem. Who, as we all know, is the best a playing psycho killers. I won't spoil where all that ends up or what the movie is really playing trying to show us Bond's weaknesses but by  the end of the movie, with all its great action and fantastic acting coupled with starborn writing I understood theses movies. What I'm about to go into is A SPOILER and I recommend if you haven't seen the movie yet do that because it's great. 

   The Daniel Craig James Bond films are prequels to the series as a whole. Through the three films they've managed to explain all of James Bond most known qualities; he's a heartless womanizer because love betrayed him, he doesn't go out for revenge and stays cold and calculating because revenge doesn't solve anything, and he's loyal to his job because the one person who always stuck her neck out for him died under his protection and he wants to do his country the utmost justice. That's why these movies don't feel like James Bond movies, because they seem to be more about the origin of how James Bond as we know him came into being. Which in my opinion makes them all totally awesome. Daniel Craig's acting never falters and in Skyfall there is literally a scene where he allude's to his past and explains how he got to his lowest point and we as the audience realize with him that James Bond can't leave, nor can he die, nor can he love, nor can he look back. Because if he does, the world around him literally crumbles. 

   I for one cannot wait to see where they take James Bond in the future but the franchise seems to be in good hands. 

Midnight Horror Marathon (2012) : Paranormal Activity 4, Sinister, V/H/S, Silent Hill : Revelations

   Ya know the feeling of walking into a store you think might have exactly what our looking for only to find that it has nothing of the sort? The way the store laughs you back, spits in your face and calls you trash? Horror movies this year have been making me feel this way. HOWEVER over the past few weeks I saw some horror movies. Movies I expected to suck, Movies I had no hope for. Movies that seemed like gigantic wastes of time. These are those movies. 

   I can't say I was really hyped for this film, the series as a whole is just okay and the only part of it that I think goes above and beyond is the end of the third film. So when I saw that not only had this hit theaters, but that it wasn't a joke, I was very concerned. Then I actually went and saw it with my manliest of manly compadres and we didn't even really scream like little girls at all. No way. Not once. I'm happy to report that while my hopes weren't high this movie actually didn't disappoint me. It had a few slow moments, several obvious plot turns, some iffy effects, and some acting I might not consider acting but overall as a movie it does what it probably should, jump scare a bunch of obnoxious teens in a theater at ten every Friday night and then make everyone think about the ending.  

  Plot wise this film isn't original ; because of stuff in the other movies there's creepy stuff happening to these people who's interpersonal problems get in the way of their ability to see whats really going on in front of them, something supernatural tortures them for a bit, and then in the last 20 minutes shit hits the fan mad hard, and to this films credit it has the best of the shit hitting of the fan of any of these films. Now this movie had a lot of problems that I expected, like I said some of the acting was sub-par  especially the fact that a big portion of the movie centers on two kids who don't seem to understand what they're supposed to be doing and the film really doesn't have a lead character, because of the way the focus shifts as the film goes on. AS you probably expected the film gets most of its scariness off of jump scares and doesn't have a lot to creep or crawl slowly up your skin. 

   What the film does best is, as crazy as this may seem, is pacing. I said it was slow, but it isn't a "dull" slow, it's a sort of strange and engaging slow that 90% of the time can keep your attention simply by putting a lot of subtle images on the screen at once. The main house set is very detailed and real, while the classic Paranormal Activity gag of all the different cameras stays fresh by making all the shots drastically different. Sure they kiss the Kinect's ass in every scene but those shots are some of the coolest and creepiest in the film. 

   It's not without its flaws; while the characters are nice and well rounded compared to the others in the series the plot surrounding them and their back story is weak and standard and blandly uninteresting  The audience can't really identify with one character, instead I'm guessing different people will find themselves in different characters, which would be okay if all the characters didn't act weirdly insane or completely oblivious. The character I identified most with was the nerdy alternative boyfriend who, for lack of a better term, is actually kind of a douche and spends a lot of time off screen. 

   Over all it's not a perfect film but it's certainly engaging, satisfying, and  a great addition to a modern horror franchise. 

   

   Ahhh yes, and on top of the pretty good Paranormal Activity 4 we have the astounding Sinister. And I sincerely mean astounding. Not just because the majority of other horror movies this year have been less entertaining than a moist fart, but because for such a simple looking movie it has amazing acting, writing, directing, make-up, visuals, and proper use of jump scares. Not to mention that it actually feels like an original movie for once. 

   I won't spoil the plot but there's a writer, some murders, and some freaky shit. That really isn't what's important. What matters is that the movie is the only truly good horror movie of the year. Why? 

   Well it has a lot going for it right from the start; an original story with an interesting idea draws everyone in. The writing and the visuals lie somewhere shy of guillermo del toro's over the top style, starting totally grounded in reality and by the end flipping the visuals to elaborate in mysteriously subtle ways. The fact that the movie pretty much has two locations, and takes place primarily in one room is boggling when I think about how much happened. The way they use the central plot device (Some old homemade film reels) to keep up the film's momentum shows impressive film making skills. Keeping it simple, without letting you get bored,

   The place I think the movie shines most is the star. Ethan Hawke  provides a very deep character. It isn't easy having a horror movie about , what is essentially, someone descending into madness without a supporting cast. I mean he has a family and a local sheriff who hate him but Hawke is pretty much alone for the entire movie, and his character brings madness upon himself to the degree where you question whether or not he was in control from the beginning . It makes the movie stand out in a modern horror crowd, reminding me most of classic Lovecraftian short stories about the old gods driving a curious mortal insane, 

   And honestly while I don't think everyone will notice, or even like this but the movie has some pretty cool make up. It walks the same line as the visuals over all being creepy but not too ridiculous. 

   This is, in my opinion, the best big screen horror movie of 2012. Check it out. 

   Ooooooh you frggin kids. With your fracken Pyramid Head. Oh boy... You kids these days... 

   For the uninitiated Silent Hill is a game franchise produced by Konami and developed by a few different groups over the years, though originally by a team called Team Silent who's idea of making a truly great survival horror game wound up spawning a great but slowly dying survival horror franchise that set the bar for what true survival horror means. What made the original three or four games great for me was that everything had a purpose, every gross monster was really a big in your face symbol, and every set piece was really just the town seeing what you would do. It also created some great memorable characters who, after being put through some serious hell, managed to really connect with the player because they felt real and you could see how the town fleshed them out into their truest selves.

   While I feel that not a lot of people saw it back in 2006, I hold to my position that Silent Hill, while not fantastic, is the best video game movie around. It holds truest to the themes of its source material without trying to eradicate the canon or shove any nails into any coffins. It also had impressive visuals, it wasn't so much that they look good more that they looked like Silent Hill, something even some Silent Hill games struggle with. Apart from some shoddy acting it's a great film.

   And the sequel? Well apart from some shoddy acting, it's a great film. Essentially it works for the same reasons that the first one does; keeping pace with the original story of both  the first movie and the games without destroying either, interesting and clever call backs to things that are both relative to the story and fun for fans, and most importantly it gets the visuals. Silent Hill has always been a series where what you see is important both because the town itself is evil and could always be playing tricks on you and because everything has a purpose. 

   As far as the story goes while it could fit in between some of the games I don't really hold the movies in the same cannon as the games. They use the characters and settings from the games to tell their own fitting tale. The story of this movie isn't the best ever told in the series and it really isn't as deep as the first one but it manages to be a little twisty here and there to keep us interested. The dialogue is equally imperfect, and often times very cheesy which I feel may have been intentional but ends up hurting what could be some of the films better moments.

   The cast has some girl, John Snow, Sean Bean ( not dying yet again), and for some reason Malcolm Mcdowell appears very briefly as a crazy blind man. It's kind of super awesome. They really could have been played by anyone and it wouldn't have mattered. Even the times when the acting's good feel like accidents, and are easily the weakest part of the film.

   Sadly I fear that what made this movie for me were the things that related to the games, and non fans will be lost at times and really won't get as much out of it. Objectively it works fine, even if it doesn't feel as cohesive or interesting as the first. If your a fan of the franchise or of original horror visuals you should check it out but otherwise skip it.

   Fuck you for giving me some hope you rancid, boring, and insulting piece of shit. I hate you. Don't ever watch V/H/S.
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   I hope everyone had a good October. :D This holiday season looks pretty strong in the film department. Get hyped.